Generosity Does Exist!

It was all set today! I would meet a lady by the name of Leslie at Wal-Mart to buy one of those Bumbo seats for Paetyn. She had it on Craigslist for $20 and I couldn't wait to get it! I'd been wanting one of them since I was pregnant! Well, I realized at around 1:00pm that my phone wasn't allowing phone calls. It was just being retarded! I emailed Leslie and asked here when she wanted to meet and exactly where... well after a few emails she said she would just bring the seat to my house. I informed my dad who was outside that she was coming over and he said he had the money on him so I wouldn't have to get any out of my wallet. About 10 minutes later he walks in holding the Purple Bumbo and says... "Hey!" I turn around, "She gave it to you!" My jaw dropped! "WHAT?!" he brings it over to me and I take it, GREAT condition... "Yeah, she wouldn't take the money! She just gave it to you!" I was shocked!! I immediantly turned around and emailed her, saying that I was going to pay for it and that she didn't have to just give it to me. She emailed me back and said "No, it's ok! I remembered you were a single mom. I know how hard it is being a mom with my husband around, I just wanted to give you a break!" My eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't believe this lady who I had never even met was being so nice. I mean yes, it's just a Bumbo chair, $20 dollars, but still, you just dont see people like that anymore! I am happy to say... Generosity still exists!! Glad to say Paetyn loves the Bumbo! She likes being able to look around! I am so thankful for you Leslie! I wish you could understand how much I appreciate this. Something so small to you I bet, but it's really big to me. Thank you!
As for the Journey... I don't think starting today is such a good idea. I have not in any way watched what I've eaten and I wouldn't be surprised if I gained 5lbs! When you have a toddler in the house, it's kind of hard to watch your food. I buy Pop-Tarts, sugary cereal, chocolate milk, all that yummy stuff for her and then it tortures me until I chow down on it too! I'm eating a Cinnomon and Brown Sugar Pop-Tart at this very moment. Hate to say it but it's VERY good! Plus, I'm going out for Pizza tomorow! Well, Me and my friend Jenn and her husband are taking the kids *She has a little boy, Ayden!* to Chuck E Cheese.
I can't wait!! Jenn has been there for me through this break up with Danny, through all my tears when the girls are tearing at me, and just a great friend. I don't know if I would be sane without her and my other bestie Maddie! They keep me calm!! I love you guys!!! Hope you two know that! Ya'll are two of the best friends a girl could ever have! I'm sorry for all the crap i've put you two through, all the downgrading myself, and all the frantic texts and IMs. Just know that I really appreciate everything the two of you have done for me!
I can't end a post without posting pictures of both my beauties so theres one of Laykin from today and heres one of the two of them together! They look so identical it's scary!

Chaos, Dreams, and a Journey!

I look at my little girls, the two of them, so happy and full of life and I wonder if they have any idea of the chaos that is going on with their parents. I try with all of my power to hide it from them, to put a smile on whenever their dad is annoying me. I don't want them to see us like that, I want them to remember everything being good. Is that bad of me? I don't think so. I want their lives to be full of nothing but happiness and although I know I can't keep everything bad from them, this is something I can try to keep from them right?

Anyways, so today I was taking pictures of Paetyn, just a cute little photoshoot and I looked at Laykin and she kept telling me, "Mommy, Owie is a Princess!" It was so adorable! She stood by me the whole time, telling Paetyn how pretty she was and asking her to smile. Then she brought out her "baby pony" and was trying to feed it with a spoon. I love just watching these two play and smile and just be little ones. I love them both so very much! I wouldn't have it any other way. I am determined to make life great for them. Even if I am a Single Mommy! I have dreams all the time about when they are a bit older. One that is my favorite... is the most simplest of things. I see Laykin.. she's about 4... and Paetyn is about 2 1/2. I am standing at their bedroom door *they are sharing a room* they both have big girl beds, and they are laying in them all tucked in, smiling at me. Beautiful little faces so innocent and happy. Laykin says, "Good-Night Mommy! I love you!" and I whisper "Love you too baby girl!" and she curls up under her blankets with it over her head and her teddy like she does every night and then I look at Paetyn's bed and she smiles that adorable smile, holding a little pink puppy dog, and says"ove ew!" Which I know means, "Love you!" and I say it back. I feel my heart melting as I shut the door and watch them go off into dreamland. It's something I do every night. Tucking them in, but it's one of my favorite parts of the day and that dream... I just can't wait for that. I have dreams like that all the time. Ones where we are at the Lake this summer and the girls are playing in the sand together. We are at the park, both girls swinging. They are just amazing dreams!

On another note... I am starting my "Journey" as I want to call it tomorow! I want to try and loose this baby weight. I never even attempted to loose it after Laykin and I'm super misrible with myself now. I got my haircut a couple of days ago and I feel pretty from neck up... now it's time to change the rest of me to feel pretty! I can't wait to feel good about myself again. I hate going out as I am now, I hate being around my friends, I don't like myself at all. I am ready to be happy again! I'm happy with my girls, being with my girls, but when I think about myself. I just get depressed and I am very sick and tired of that! I'm ready for change!! Let it begin!!